I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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