The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
