can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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