my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
