I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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