Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
