You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
