You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
