I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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