He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
