the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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