I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
