Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Vodka?
Forever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
