am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
