I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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