honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
