It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
