So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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