And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
