It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
