we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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