Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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