I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
