im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
