i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
