Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
