You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
