I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
