the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
