if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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