two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
