I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Alive.
So much puke
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
