My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They took my balls.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
