I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
