I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
