it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
