I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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