After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
