I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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