The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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