I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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