I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
