so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
