Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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