the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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