i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
