We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
