I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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