We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
