How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
