How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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