Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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