Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
