Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need moral support for this bender
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
