So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
