Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
