im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
