The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
