I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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